Fake News

Well, I was online, feeling fine when these words are what I found.

They read ‘Lovely Asian women are in your local town.

Koreans, Thais and Filipinas with pleasing ways and shy demeanours,

And every oriental queen  has a thing for the older guy.’

 

So I went on down to my local town, my heart was in a whirl.

I looked in Browns the butchers for an oriental girl.

But there was no Korean at the old Co-op, no Malaysian Miss at the Oxfam Shop

No Bangkok babe at the town bus stop

Then someone told me why.

 

(It was) Fake news, fake news

I felt my poor heart break news.

‘Cos how can you ever know what’s really true?

When wrong is right and black is white,

It just depends on how you feel.

‘Cos everything is fake news

That’s the only thing that’s real.

 

So I went back online, feeling not so fine in my lonely situation.

But then I thought my luck had changed with a surprise communication.

It was from this Nigerian prince with a billion dollars to dispense

Into my account – he said five per cent’s

On the side for me.

 

So I emailed a few details and the prince replied with thanks.

I dreamt that night of all that cash rolling into my bank.

The next day I skipped out of bed with dollar signs in my head

But all the figures in black had turned to red

Now how could that be?

 

{Oh no, it was) Fake news, fake news, he took all he could take news.

How can you ever tell what’s really true?

When wrong is right and black is white- it just  depends on how you feel.

‘Cos everything is fake news, it’s the only thing that’s real.

 

Once we put our trust in the real thing

Seeing is believing, we’d agree.

Now everybody wants the ideal thing –

First we believe – then we decide what we shall see.

 

Now I’m back online, feeling fine – I’m a happy man.

I’m not broke or all alone ‘cos I can choose just who I am.

Sometimes I’m a teen, all wild and free, or a party girl out on a spree,

Or a nun or a celebrity,

No day is quite the same.

 

The party girl on the social whirl might hook up with the celeb

But they’ve been seen by the weirdo teen who’s lurking on the web.

The three of them have all kinds of fun, you won’t believe the stuff they’ve done

And that’s before you’ve met the nun

In this wonderland of shame.

 

(Where  it’s all ) Fake news, fake news, I can have and eat my cake news.

‘Cos, if I want, everything is true.

Now wrong is right and black is white, it just depends on how I feel

‘Cos everything is fake news, it’s the only thing that’s real.

 

Fake news, fake news, they’re the stories that we make news

And is we want every single one of them is true.

Now wrong is right and black is white, it just depends on how w feel

‘Cos everything is fake news, it’s the only thing that’s real.

Yes, everything is fake news – it’s the only thing that’s real.

 

Terence Blacker  –  vocals, guitar, ukulele

David Booth  –  bass, backing vocals